Losing Friendships

I think what I have lost most in my seventeen years of life are friendships. Not that because my friends died or I "broke up" with them. We didn't argue and became "not friends" - I rarely argue and fight with my friends. Or more accurately, my friends never wanted to argue or fight with me. I don't know why, people fight, but never with me. A friend of mine said that that's because people respected me.

Anyway, so the friendships that I've lost were neither lost because they died nor broken up, then how were they lost? Well, they just slipped out of my hands, and there's nothing I can do to pull them back.

Funny how, at that moment, you'll think that you love your friend so dearly, that you would do almost everything for her. Be a 24/7 friend, always there when she needs you, give her and embrace when she needs a place to hide and cuddle, give her a shoulder to cry her tears our. It sounds like parent, but you'll never believe the overwhelming satisfaction of being depended by someone.

Then, because something, something out of your hands, something that you couldn't change happens. You are forced to be apart, you vowed that you'll remember her forever. Yes, after months, or maybe years, you still remember her, but the deep satisfaction is long gone. You are no longer a drug of hers.

The friendship has slipped away. You never noticed the slow movement if it creeping away from your fingers. When you realized that it's gone, oddly enough, there's not much grief. It's gone, and you can smile and say, "At least I have had you."

p/s: This was actually written at November 30th, 2009. It's extremely raw and unedited. I wrote this in my Writing Development for 10 minutes non-stop. Hope you enjoy!